Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
