What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
