He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
