we have officially lost it.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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