maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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