TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
