god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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