Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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