I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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