you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
