I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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