Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just pynch a tree in the face
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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