why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
