drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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