my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
