There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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