There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
