I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
