hotel room ftw
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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