I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you would pick up someone in the library
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
