He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
