why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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