My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
