Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
