Please, let me fuck your mom
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
