you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
