I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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