david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
