I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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