Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
