I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
