apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
