dude i'm inner monologue high
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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