god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
how does that bad decision feel?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
