So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
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I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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