she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
