Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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