dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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