Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
