i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
