i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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