just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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