just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
