I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
