...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
