well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
