we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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