I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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