i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
