I showed him my bush... on skype.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
