I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
