I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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