Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
