i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The air taste purple.
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