I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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