You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
