if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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