is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
