I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
