so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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