i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
